Archive for September, 2009
Blend Families – Do Not Whip, Chop Or Grate
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I saw a look of resignation on my friend's face as she said, "I don't think I'm cut out to be a step mother." There was a combination of sadness, frustration and resignation. She'd been married to her new husband for almost two years. The struggles started before their marriage, as it usually does when two people, with children from previous marriages decide to "blend families." After all this time she saw no end in sight.
My friend has two daughters from her previous marriage. Her new husband has two daughters from his previous marriage...and a former wife who appeared to be determined to make things difficult. My friend has a former husband who lives out of state with his new family.
The four girls were all close in age and could possibly have been friends if they met at school, weren't step siblings and didn't have parents pulling at them.
Often, we the parents just need to get out of the way. Blended family issues can be resolved sooner and without causing added pain to the children if we allow space and time to work things out. I know from my own first hand meddling. I've detailed in my book, "You Used To Live In My House."
My kids...back when they were kids, when my wife Louisa and I were newlyweds, didn't need a new mom. Their mother was alive and well. Louisa didn't want to be their mom. She knew her role and would have been happy to be a step mother. We all moved from Virginia to Colorado together so I thought she should be their new mom. All this while my kids really hadn't given up hope that their mother and I might some how reconcile. We'd been apart for four years by then and each of the adults knew that wasn't going to happen.
While I was living in Colorado my kids return to Virginia and to their mother,
I didn't know what she was saying to them, about me. I didn't learn that until three years later when they moved to Colorado. By then new roles weren't so new and were accepted pretty easily. All the while, I knew that Louisa never criticized her sons' father, even though he'd been virtually absent from their lives for several years.
Eleven years later Louisa received a Happy Step Mom Day card from Kelly on Mother's Day. All of the 'kids' openly express their love for each of us these days, and have for some time. They all get along well with each other.
I can speak for myself and I believe it applies to many step parents, we are so determined that everyone will get a long and like each other immediately, that we make things more difficult than they need to be. Affection and assimilation cannot be forced upon our children. They have to find their own way and all we have to do is get out of the way.
Kids are resilient. I'll over simplify it with an example of how they overcome the tales of an Easter Bunny and Santa Claus at very impressionable ages. If and when they see the new step parents showing affection and compromise it will be easier for them to move forward with their own feelings.
A friend of ours, Donna Lopez, provided the following testimonial to my book:
"After reading the book, "You Used To Live In My House" I began to think differently of blended families. I realized that it took much more love and faith and work that I ever imagined to sustain one household. I began to appreciate all those families around me that I once took for granted. This book allows us to see this family with such truth and pain and laughter! A recommended read!"
Obviously that's flattering and I appreciate Donna's comments. Her comments remain timely.
Don't look now, but there are increasing numbers of blended families on the horizon. As more couples split and often after a child or two, the newly freed up mom or dad hooks up with that new 'soul mate.' Bingo, there's a new family and the new spouse may even have children of their own from a previous relationship.
How do I know? I'm reminded of a question I was asked when I spoke to a Rotary Club not long ago. "What prepared you to write your book?" My answer: "I lived it."
Back in the day, circa 1981, I met Louisa H. Harrison. She's been Louisa H. Coons since June 18, 1983 and on that day, my three children and her two children, blended into this new family. Oh, by the way...on the fateful day, they were ages 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12.
We're all the better for it now. And if you read through what I call 'Tales of the dark side' (AKA "You Used To Live In My House") you'll eventually get to the happiness we enjoy today. Being in a blended family doesn't have to make any or all of the participants crazy. I've only scratched the surface of how I, and sometimes we, went about it the wrong way. If you get to know us we should give you hope.
R. Perry Coons
http://www.youusedtoliveinmyhouse.com
R. Perry Coons has thrown the door wide open with his narrative of the first 25 years of his relationship journey with his wife and family. He says, "If you get to know us, we should give you hope."
His background is varied, as witnessed by the many personal and professional experiences he shares with his readers...husband, father, grandfather, runner and former radio dj, award winning shopping center marketing director, special events coordinator, entertainment manager, Realtor and self-described coffee achiever. He holds a copyright on a manuscript titled "Surrel Estate" and is working on a novel about a radio dj in the late 60's. His working title is "Record Player." Perry lives in Denver, Colorado with his wife Lousia and their Australian Cattle Dog.
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Choosing a Wedding DJ – ZEN and the Art of Choosing a Wedding DJ
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"We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want." Lao Tzu
A Wedding Reception reflects your style and personal ambiance. It is foremost a party thrown to celebrate the day of all days in your life's journey. Success in planning a party arises from the love, skill and charisma inside of you... the one who chooses. Choosing a DJ is the premier decision you make to insure a great event. Everything else can be perfect, but if the music isn't good, the party will fizzle right there before your eyes. There are over 100,000 DJs in America each one promising they'll do a great job for you. So just exactly how do you choose the right one for you?
"Just as the image of the full Moon touches the surface of the lake so does the dust that falls on the shadow of the bamboo" Zen Masters
Zen is experiencing the subtle. What your DJ does behind the scenes to make your party 'Rock' is unknowable to you. You see people having fun and dancing with music that is not too loud or at appropriate moments, pumping 'solid' ! The DJ is dressed stunningly and keeps the rhythm of the moment on the 'upside'. Finding a DJ who is a consummate entertainer, your personal Tech Expert with sound and lights as well as Master of Ceremonies with picture perfect timing is very achievable ... if you know how to spot a few traits and ask the right questions. For example don't get confused by , or lost in the lists and lists of equipment and all the catalogs of sound gear some DJ companies present as their credentials. All professional DJ's have the best gear as a standard offering....your inquiries should focus more on the listening for music the DJ talks about and whether or not he has a quick knowledge command of even somewhat obscure artists, songs, remakes that are brought up in the course of a conversation either in person or on the phone. You can test him on this by mentioning musical groups or artists you know about and just take note of where he goes with that.
"One moon shows in every pool in every pool the one moon" Zen Forest Saying
Absolutely the worst method of choosing a DJ is on price alone. Some DJs are just more expensive than others. Prices can range from $400 to $2,000 for a 4 hour event. Big difference, and it can be very tempting to go with the cheapest alternative. If that's all you can afford, than you have no choice. Consider the law of supply and demand. There is a distinct reason some DJs can charge more money than others. They are usually worth it. More expensive DJs tend to be the more experienced DJs. They can charge more because they are in demand and have a lot of jobs, and they have a good reputation. Generally, the DJs on the low end of the price scale are new to the business, and trying to get established. They could do a great job, and might be worth a shot if your party is on the informal side. Remember, there is a whole lot more risk with a less experienced person. When it comes to a wedding reception, you want a professional entertainer, not crossed fingers. As you speak with the DJs, pay attention to their professionalism over the phone. It tends to spill over into their DJ style.
"When the task is done beforehand, then it is easy." Zen master Yuan-tong (The Tao of Abundance 100)
Few people know that Musicians, Actors and Artistically inclined people make the best DJs. Now that you have learned this trade secret, use it to your advantage. Ask the DJs you interview about their backgrounds. Theater or 'plays a musical instrument' background .....good .... insurance, real estate or construction background ....honorable trades, but not necessarily the optimum DJ. The DJ craft is learned with hands on experience.... not taught in University. It is an art form. In your interview process look for someone who is open minded, funny and flexible. Does your DJ easily converse about music styles, artists and song titles ? These are personality 'cues' you must quietly observe, and if present, they are the subtle signs of a true artistic professional who will do more than a great job and who will have completed the task of 'rocking' your party before one musical note is sounded at the reception...
"To set up what you like against what you dislike -- this is the disease of the mind." Seng-T'San.
A mistake often made by some is to try to be the expert about 'your' crowd's musical tastes. A pro DJ will listen and interpret your preferences taking notice of your 'don't play' list and your special requests. Performing music that will appeal to the masses at your party is a term of art known as a commercial 'mix' and it is not necessarily the same worn out songs you have heard hundreds of times at hundreds of receptions. Allow your DJ artistic 'license' with a majority of the music. Music is a DJ expertise after all. Look for a DJ who will appeal to the crowd as a whole (including kids) not just a limited age group. Even if you develop a bond of trust in conference with the DJ always request references .... trust but verify your intuitions.
"A flower falls even though we love it, and a weed grows even though we do not love it" Dogen Zenji
Good customer service along with phone and Email connections with your DJ Service are important. Always call the DJ Service the day or two before the event to verify the service ... just as a back up! Inquire if your DJ has back-up electronics in the event of equipment failure. Troubleshooting your event in advance is always a great plan.
"Lovely snowflakes, they fall nowhere else!" Zen Saying.
Yours will be a party that everyone will be 'buzzing' about the next day or whenever they see you in the near future. Your friends and family's compliments will be heartfelt and true. Your reception will have been spontaneous and unique in the world. Follow your inner instincts (and employ a few trade secrets shared herein) when making your DJ selection and the DJ you choose will be the right one!
DJ John Hancock
http://www.topbandevents.com
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Fattburger “T.G.I.F.” Smooth Jazz Music CD Review
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One word describes the CD T.G.I.F. from Fattburger... AWESOME!
Unfortunately, it’s not everyday that I get a CD from an artist that I can just pop in and comfortably listen to from beginning to end. There is usually a song or two that I just can’t force myself to get through. Not at all the case with T.G.I.F.. Every track is enjoyable and was pretty easy for me to listen to from start to finish.
T.G.I.F. has a pleasantly varied, mix of 9 tracks that are very well written songs by this clearly outstanding group.
If you’re a Fattburger fan, or just a fan of Smooth Jazz music this is a CD your collection simply should not be without.
While this entire CD is outstanding some of my favorites are track 1, Down Home, track 5, Take Six, and track 7, What's New.
My SmoothLee Bonus Pick, and the one that got Sore [...as in "Stuck On REpeat"] is track 3, Mum's The Word. What a nice track!
T.G.I.F. Release Notes:
Fattburger originally released T.G.I.F. on May 22, 2001 on the Shanachie Records label.
CD Track List Follows:
1. Down Home
2. Evil Ways
3. Mum's The Word
4. Heaven
5. Take Six
6. Bookem
7. What's New
8. Santa Fe
9. 2 Fatt
Fattburger: Amber Whitlock (vocals); Hollis Gentry III (soprano saxophone); John Rekevics (saxophone); Mike Bogart (trumpet); Kevin Esposito (trombone); Mark Hunter (guitar, bass); Evan Marks (guitar); Carl Evans, Jr. (keyboards); Kevin Koch (drums); Tom Aros (percussion).
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I've been teaching piano for many years and I have found a great way to encourage my young students to practice. During group piano lessons I put a practice pal on each student's piano. This year at the beginning of the school year I gave each student a special gift - a Piano Practice Pal for their piano at home. A Piano Practice Pal is a sweet little stuffed animal friend that students take home and put on their piano to keep them company while they practice. When a piano student accomplishes a new goal that is challenging for them I enjoy giving them a new piano practice pal in a different color to add to the collection on their piano at home. Children ages 5 to 11 as well as older children enjoy this special recognition and encouragement.
Some parents and piano teachers may think this is unnecessary because students don't need things to get them to practice. Well I'm not trying to get students to practice by bribing them with toys. I'm just showing them how they can make their piano practice time even more enjoyable. Why shouldn't piano practice be a fun as possible! Some of my students even like to talk to their practice pals from time to time during their practice. Other student's practice pals become piano student Cheer Leaders. I've even composed a song for my young students called the Piano Practice Pal Cheer!
My work is never done, I will always give a cheer - Whoooo! My piano student's near and so very, very dear - Whooo! Practice, Practice, Practice, Practice, Way to Go! That's the way to be an Ace, it's much more work to make a face!
My work is never done, I will always give a cheer - Whoooo! My piano student's near and so very, very dear - Whoooo!
Practice, Practice, Practice, Practice, P-i-a-n-o! I'm such a chum to listen, pal, so please don't ever go!
Stay and have more music fun with your P - i - a - n - o, Chum, Chum, Chum.
I love helping children achieve their musical dreams by making piano lessons both challenging and fun! And you can too...
To learn the best way to share the gift of music with children visit Amazon.com for my Piano Bears Musical Stories for Children The exciting Piano Bears Musical Stories for children ages 5 to 11 feature the loveable characters, Mrs. Treble Beary and her new piano student, Albeart Littlebud. Children love following along with Albeart to Mrs. Treble Beary's piano studio in Musical Acres Forest. Here they learn what piano lessons are all about in a fun way that kids readily understand and appreciate! Piano students laugh and giggle while reading "Little Bear's Musical Garden" and "Little Bear's Piano Goals."
For a wealth of f'ree information and piano music online visit Piano Bears Music Education Resources Don't Wait to Share the Gift of Music!
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Brandy “Never Say Never” Pop Music CD Review
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One word describes the CD Never Say Never from Brandy... AWESOME!
Never Say Never grabs your attention right from the beginning with Angel In Disguise and won't let go until the very last note of the very last song I Do It Fory You, which is another great track by the way.
The nice thing about a CD like this is when the talent is this rich even if Pop isn't your favorite style you still can't help but appreciate the greatness of the artist.
Overall Never Say Never is a solid release. Quite possibly Brandy's best to date. Really sensational from beginning to end. If you're even mildly into Pop music you'll enjoy this album.
While the entire album is really very good some of my favorites are track 3, Boy Is Mine, track 4, Learn The Hard Way, and track 11, Put That On Everything.
My SmoothLee Bonus Pick, and the one that got Sore [...as in "Stuck On REpeat"] is track 5, Almost Doesn't Count. Wow!
Never Say Never Release Notes:
Brandy originally released Never Say Never on Jun 09, 1998 on the Atlantic label.
CD Track List Follows:
1. Intro
2. Angel In Disguise
3. Boy Is Mine, The - (with Monica)
4. Learn The Hard Way
5. Almost Doesn't Count
6. Top Of The World - (featuring Mase)
7. U Don't Know Me (Like U Used To Know Me)
8. Never Say Never
9. Truthfully
10. Have You Ever?
11. Put That On Everything
12. In The Car Interlude
13. Happy
14. One Voice
15. Tomorrow
16. I Do It For You, (Everything I Do)
Personnel includes: Brandy, Monica (vocals); Mase (rap); Dean Parks (acoustic guitar); Isaac Phillips, Rick Williams, Anas Allaf, Michael Thompson (guitar); The Darkchild Orchestra (strings); David Foster (piano, keyboards); Harvey Mason Jr. (keyboards); Nathan East (bass); Harvey Mason Sr. (percussion); Rodney Jerkins, Simon Franglen, Chuckii Booker, Felipe Elgueta (programming); Joe, Shelly Peiken, Bebe Winans, Mervyn Warrin, Willie R. Norwood Sr., Kayla Parker, LaTonya Holman, Donyle Jones, Meri Thomas, Vatrena King, Alfie Silas, Bridgette Bryant, Kristle Murden, Mona Lisa Young, Nikisha Grier, Carmen Twillie, Carmen Carter, Bobbette Jamison, Alex Brown, Maxine Waters, Yvonne Williams, Ricky Nelson, Richard Jackson (background vocals). Producers: David Foster, Rodney Jerkins, Brandy.
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DJ Vs Live Music
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Music is the lifeblood of any party. It is the one thing that will get people to get out of their chairs and dance or just sit back, relax and set the mood for a really good time. There are many ways to have music playing in the background. The setting is important when determining how you will be presenting the music. For example, if you are planning a bar mitzvah, an engagement party, a wedding or a prom, the decision has to be made as to how the party with have the music presented.
There are many options to choose from, you can have a DJ perform at your special function, be it a wedding in Toronto, a school prom at the end of the school year or a bar mitzvah. Another option is to choose a band to play live music. Both options are good, but some options are better than others, and below we are here to point them out.
When deciding between the 2, some things to consider are, cost. A live band will cost upwards to $1500 dollars depending on the notoriety on the band within the community or status, and that might not include a singer, that might be a separate charge that will have to be added on. A DJ on the other hand, charges about half the price, depending on what packages you choose from the DJ and depending on the event, however, the general difference is about half the price.
A second option between a live band and a DJ is dealing with a individuals, with a live band there maybe a manager or you may have to deal with the entire band depending on the setup, whereas a DJ tends to represent themselves. With this setup, there is no need to have to worry about having "too many chefs in the kitchen" which might cause some problems.
So it is with that thought in mind, that Surround Sound DJ understands that a decision like that might come up, and as a DJ company, will strive in every which way to make sure that the decision you make, if it is a DJ, to make you feel like you have made the right decision. We understand the cost difference, but that does not guarantee making a final decision easier, and we are always willing to work with live bands in case you want to choose both.
http://www.surroundsounddj.com
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- Related Blogs on DJ Vs Live Music
You Can Create Your Own Music – Even If You’ve Never Touched a Piano In Your Life!
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A few days ago I was going through some student emails and one question really popped out at me:
"Edward, I really want to just sit down at the piano and improvise but I don't think I know enough to begin. Can you help me?"
Here's my answer to this student:
Dear P.,
There are really 2 issues going on here. The first is the belief that you don't know enough. The second is the idea that you need to know a lot in order to begin. Let's deal with the first issue - the belief that you don't enough.
Many students share this belief. They think they need to understand a lot more than is necessary before they take the "plunge" into improvisation. The truth of the matter is they're actually scared they might be able to do it after all… and that would quickly eliminate their belief that they can't.
This seems strange but it really has to do with fear of the unknown. Many of us can do things we previously thought were impossible - and are impossible - unless you actually give it a try!
The real stigma has to do with thinking that what you're producing isn't good enough. Because if you truly didn't care about the outcome, your focus would be on pleasing yourself first and enjoying the process - something so many adults wish they could do, but are reluctant to do for fear of creating something "bad" or "unworthy."
I always tell students that it's far more important to actually enjoy yourself at the piano than to create something others can approve of. Some have an extremely hard time letting go of the need to gain others approval and this itself can cause a lot of anxiety and needless striving.
All you really need to begin improvising are 2 things:
- Knowledge of a few chords
- Willingness to take the plunge
After students begin to improvise without worrying about whether the music's good enough they begin to tap into their own creative source. When this happens, a small miracle has occurred. Once you actually taste how good it feels to let go and allow the music to move through you, it becomes addictive. Then you'll want to play the piano more and more. And the more you play, the more you learn. Not by accumulating knowledge but by allowing yourself the freedom to explore.
Edward Weiss is a pianist/composer and webmaster of Quiescence Music's online piano lessons. He has been helping students learn how to play piano in the New Age style for over 14 years and works with students in private, in groups, and now over the internet. Visit http://www.quiescencemusic.com now and get a FREE piano lesson!
Pre-Written Wedding Toasts And Tips For Giving a Great Toast
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The fact that being prepared is the most important part of giving a successful toast.
You have been asked by your best friend to give a wedding toast at the reception. That is a great honor and one that you want to come through with flying colors. The best thing that you can do is set some time aside in your busy schedule to work on this special project
You need to know what is expected of you on that day of the wedding.
You need a toast, you can write it yourself or have someone write one for you. If you find that you can not write the toast, because you do not the time or you do not have the talent to write a toast. There is no need to worry check and see if you have a family member or friend that can write one for you.
Then practicing your toast so that you will know the toast and be able to say it word for word and say it smoothly like your talking to your best friend.
Practicing is easy just take the first sentence and memorize it till you can say it word for word smoothly. Then take the second sentence and do the same thing. Once you know the second sentence then practice the two sentences together. Then blend the third sentence. You continue till you have memorized the entire toast. It actually sounds harder than it really is to do.
The other key important thing to know about giving your toast is how do I get everyones attention? That is easier than you might think. The DJ will give you mic and you will simply stand up and speak these words into the mic. May I have your attention. If you want to you can take your fork and lightly tap your glass after you say this. Then you may have to repeat the same sentence again. This should then alert everyone to be quiet and listen to you.
If you can not find some one that can write one for you then you can get a digital wedding toast on the internet. They down load instantly to your computer and you can start picking out a toast. There will be several to chose from like best man toasts, funny toasts, humorous toasts, serious toasts, etc...
These types of books usually have tips on how to practice and how to go through each step of the process. The next thing to do is go over all the information so that you will know exactly what to do.
Sunny James is the author of 100 Great Wedding Toasts & Tips
http://www.sunnyjames.com/weddingtoast.html
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Why Do You Need A Wedding Planning Checklist?
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With everything you'll have on your mind when you're getting ready for your big day, if you don't have a wedding checklist you're asking for trouble.
No matter how good your memory is you'd be very unwise to rely on it for every little detail you have to remember concerning your wedding.
It's such an important day for you it would be a crying shame if it was spoiled simply because you failed to plan properly in the first place - and a properly constructed checklist is the very best way you can ensure that all of your wedding plans come to fruition.
Creating a wedding checklist tailored to your specific needs and desires will certainly help to relieve the inevitable stress, particularly as the special day gets closer.
Having a well thought out wedding checklist will ensure that you don't forget anything and will enable you to relax, safe in this knowledge, and enjoy the day itself.
Some of the things you should put on your checklist are setting the wedding date and time, reserving the date with a florist, photographer and DJ; reserving the church and reception location. These are the first things that should be done in the planning stages six to twelve months before the wedding day itself.
Other important things for your checklist include planning a budget, choosing the wedding party and ordering the invitations. You also need to make arrangements for a wedding dress, hairdressing and makeup. Not forgetting that you also need to arrange for co-coordinated clothing for your wedding attendants and, of course, you need to arrange the all-important wedding rings with a jeweler.
All of the above major things should be arranged as early as possible so that you have plenty of time for the small details later.
Don't forget to ensure that you put reminders on your list for closer to the date. Reminders for ordering your wedding flowers, the wedding cake, addressing and sending invitations, a final fitting for the wedding dress and groom's outfit and placing a wedding announcement in the local press etc.
About a month to six weeks before your big day you should go over your wedding checklist to make absolutely sure you haven't forgotten anything.
There are, of course, many more things than those listed above that you will need to put on your specific wedding planning checklist that are personal to your wedding, but the above will give you an idea of the things you need to include.
Remember, as long as you keep yourself organized with a checklist and give yourself plenty of time to complete each task, you'll have the ultimate reward of a happier and more stress-free wedding day.
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Wedding Reception Flowers and Decorating Accents
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Once the bridal bouquet and ceremony flowers are chosen, it's time to focus on what type of wedding reception flowers you may use. You'll need to look at food tables, guest tables, the head table, as well as decorating accents throughout the room. However, you don't need to use only flowers. There are a wide variety of choices of greenery that can also be put to good use.
First, you must understand where larger flower arrangements are appropriate... and where they are not. The more elaborate floral arrangements can be used on buffet tables, cake tables, on stands near the entrance and staircases, and close to the band or DJ. These types of arrangements, however, should not be used on guest tables or the head table as they are too large and will block the view of the guests.
Table centerpieces created from flowers should be kept low and small. Make sure they compliment the overall color scheme and theme of the wedding. Nor do all the table centerpieces have to be identical. A unique and interesting idea would be to use a variation in the types of flowers, yet with the same color scheme.
Small bud vases are best used on guest tables. A great combination wedding favor and table centerpiece idea would be to cluster small vases with a single flower in each. After the wedding, the guests can take home one of the bud vases as a wedding favor.
If you can not afford to use many large floral arrangements, choose 2 or 3 for the buffet tables or other key area and decorate the rest of the room using balloon bouquets, tree branches with twinkling lights or rented palm and/or ficus trees.
Edible bouquets are also very popular for table centerpieces. Spun sugar sculptures, fruit baskets and miniature tiered wedding cakes also serve a dual purpose as a table decoration and wedding favors... or as dessert at the end of the meal.
Here are a few more wedding “flower” bouquet ideas you may want to consider:
As you can see, you can incorporate many "floral" bouquet ideas into your wedding scheme without breaking the bank. Large floral arrangements are beautiful to look at, but they can also be very expensive. Consider some of the alternatives to help save money, yet still create unique flower arrangements that will delight your guests.
Rose Smith is the owner of Wedding Themes and More, a website designed to help you plan your perfect theme wedding. Read more about wedding decorating ideas and wedding flowers at http://www.wedthemes.com/
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